Ivory (rightside) wrote,

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I'm Your Man-Michael Buble...

Has anyone ever heard this song? I want someone to want me this badly. I want this song personified. This person doesn't exist, I know. I just want to acknowledged that this is what I want. Anyone who lives up to that potential could be first in line for me.

In other news, everyone I know is trying to set me up with someone...why is that? Is this a "fall off the wagon", "more fish in the sea" thing? Maybe that's true, but since I didn't have fish before, and I had no wagon to cart those fish home, then it's not really me hopping back on the wagon or searching for a replacement fish. It's just me being me.

Why does me being me and being satisfied with being single make me a target to be set up? Not even kidding. If you say you are happy by yourself, it turns you into a giant refrigerator and all your friends family into a big honking magnet.

I just want to float by for a while. I just want to be neutral. It's so painful to have such a high with someone else and then fall back down without them, and I would just really rather float on by for a while, not excited, not highly motivated. Just doing what I have to do to get by for now.

I solved my puzzles, but I am not ready yet. I need to work on me. Last year when Venton and I broke up, I told myself no guys for one year. No dating, no sex, no whatever I could get.

I failed at that pretty fast, but I think, given no outside influences like friends or alcohol, I wouldn't do it again. I think I could go a year, except for the argument of "Why wait and deny yourself the things you enjoy?" Good point, but maybe the aftermath of things I like isn't worth having the things I like.

This is my big question though: Why is it that guys want all the perks of dating me without actually dating me? This is not a question pointed at anyone specifically, but all of my previous relationships. Not one of them wanted to date me except possibly Anthony. (Which is maybe why Anthony and I still get along, whenever we actually talk online.) Maybe I just search out guys who don't want to commit. Maybe they just want a replacement mom until they grow up, which is usually after we break up. What's up with that?

Maybe that is what I did. I broke off everything so I could grow up. Now I need to grow up. Thanks for that wise advice, even if you said it in anger (and that is a pointed comment).

Things to do:
-Avoid attempts to be set up with complete strangers
-find guy at my own leisure who fits this song (if possible, sings that well too :-), has ambition and goals in life and preferably has a start on them already, who also gets along with my roommates and my family.
-finish this summer and focus hard on what I want and how to get it, even if it means viciously taking advantage of people.
Tags: alfred, boys, emo, thoughts, tre, venton
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