Ivory (rightside) wrote,

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I'm Your Man-Michael Buble...

Has anyone ever heard this song? I want someone to want me this badly. I want this song personified. This person doesn't exist, I know. I just want to acknowledged that this is what I want. Anyone who lives up to that potential could be first in line for me.

In other news, everyone I know is trying to set me up with someone...why is that? Is this a "fall off the wagon", "more fish in the sea" thing? Maybe that's true, but since I didn't have fish before, and I had no wagon to cart those fish home, then it's not really me hopping back on the wagon or searching for a replacement fish. It's just me being me.

Why does me being me and being satisfied with being single make me a target to be set up? Not even kidding. If you say you are happy by yourself, it turns you into a giant refrigerator and all your friends family into a big honking magnet.

I just want to float by for a while. I just want to be neutral. It's so painful to have such a high with someone else and then fall back down without them, and I would just really rather float on by for a while, not excited, not highly motivated. Just doing what I have to do to get by for now.

I solved my puzzles, but I am not ready yet. I need to work on me. Last year when Venton and I broke up, I told myself no guys for one year. No dating, no sex, no whatever I could get.

I failed at that pretty fast, but I think, given no outside influences like friends or alcohol, I wouldn't do it again. I think I could go a year, except for the argument of "Why wait and deny yourself the things you enjoy?" Good point, but maybe the aftermath of things I like isn't worth having the things I like.

This is my big question though: Why is it that guys want all the perks of dating me without actually dating me? This is not a question pointed at anyone specifically, but all of my previous relationships. Not one of them wanted to date me except possibly Anthony. (Which is maybe why Anthony and I still get along, whenever we actually talk online.) Maybe I just search out guys who don't want to commit. Maybe they just want a replacement mom until they grow up, which is usually after we break up. What's up with that?

Maybe that is what I did. I broke off everything so I could grow up. Now I need to grow up. Thanks for that wise advice, even if you said it in anger (and that is a pointed comment).

Things to do:
-Avoid attempts to be set up with complete strangers
-find guy at my own leisure who fits this song (if possible, sings that well too :-), has ambition and goals in life and preferably has a start on them already, who also gets along with my roommates and my family.
-finish this summer and focus hard on what I want and how to get it, even if it means viciously taking advantage of people.
Tags: alfred, boys, emo, thoughts, tre, venton
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i feel you tyrney! while it would be nice to be with someone i don't hate, i'm perfectly content being single. this summer is going to see me growing and learning SO much about myself! i'm doing things for me, and being selfish feels wonderful.

i'm learning that wanting to be with another person doesn't mean i'm weak or i'm not independent anymore--i'm slowly realizing that humans aren't supposed to live life alone! i'm hoping that the universe will deliver someone great to me when i learn what i need to learn and i'm ready. it's hard to believe it, but i think you should too. :]
I don't know why, but that makes me feel so good about life. Also, what makes life better is scanning through the craigslist posts of "I'm looking for that girl I ran into the other night because she is amazing" and imagining it could be me. :-)

Of course, if I just went out once in a while, it would be me.
i doubt that (no offense). i've been cruising cl's 'missed connections' and the stranger's 'i saw u' ads forEVER and NO ONE has ever seen me! lame. but i read them because they're adorable nonetheless.
haha. Well It hardly matters whether or not it's true. It's the internet for crying out loud!
ok i just realized the "i doubt that" sounded mean. i didn't intend for that at all. you know what i mean. luv u.