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Ivory

[ website | Little Bits of Nothing ]
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got a call from lost friend... [04 May 2009|04:57pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

It's sad to see "lost friend" come up on caller ID. I am tired of losing friends because we were something more than friends. I even almost called David and a couple other people the other day and told them that.

Good thing my phone was dead.

even so, it's been a while since I had my skin react to caller ID like that. Instant fever. Instant panic. Instant ache.

...too bad my phone wasn't dead.

Penance: 1 wounded hearts - from the people I hate.

I'm Your Man-Michael Buble... [30 Apr 2009|02:37pm]
[ mood | determined ]

Has anyone ever heard this song? I want someone to want me this badly. I want this song personified. This person doesn't exist, I know. I just want to acknowledged that this is what I want. Anyone who lives up to that potential could be first in line for me.

In other news, everyone I know is trying to set me up with someone...why is that? Is this a "fall off the wagon", "more fish in the sea" thing? Maybe that's true, but since I didn't have fish before, and I had no wagon to cart those fish home, then it's not really me hopping back on the wagon or searching for a replacement fish. It's just me being me.

Why does me being me and being satisfied with being single make me a target to be set up? Not even kidding. If you say you are happy by yourself, it turns you into a giant refrigerator and all your friends family into a big honking magnet.

I just want to float by for a while. I just want to be neutral. It's so painful to have such a high with someone else and then fall back down without them, and I would just really rather float on by for a while, not excited, not highly motivated. Just doing what I have to do to get by for now.

I solved my puzzles, but I am not ready yet. I need to work on me. Last year when Venton and I broke up, I told myself no guys for one year. No dating, no sex, no whatever I could get.

I failed at that pretty fast, but I think, given no outside influences like friends or alcohol, I wouldn't do it again. I think I could go a year, except for the argument of "Why wait and deny yourself the things you enjoy?" Good point, but maybe the aftermath of things I like isn't worth having the things I like.

This is my big question though: Why is it that guys want all the perks of dating me without actually dating me? This is not a question pointed at anyone specifically, but all of my previous relationships. Not one of them wanted to date me except possibly Anthony. (Which is maybe why Anthony and I still get along, whenever we actually talk online.) Maybe I just search out guys who don't want to commit. Maybe they just want a replacement mom until they grow up, which is usually after we break up. What's up with that?

Maybe that is what I did. I broke off everything so I could grow up. Now I need to grow up. Thanks for that wise advice, even if you said it in anger (and that is a pointed comment).

Things to do:
-Avoid attempts to be set up with complete strangers
-find guy at my own leisure who fits this song (if possible, sings that well too :-), has ambition and goals in life and preferably has a start on them already, who also gets along with my roommates and my family.
-finish this summer and focus hard on what I want and how to get it, even if it means viciously taking advantage of people.

Penance: 5 woundeds hearts - from the people I hate.

this song isn't helping... [25 Feb 2009|03:42pm]
[ mood | zen ]

I am distancing myself. I am cutting myself off from painful, serious topics. I am letting it go, that hate I felt. I am letting go my intensity, because it isn't time yet.

I am going to be calmer. Placid like a lake with a raging river pouring into it. Some day, I will have to acknowledge the ripple the river creates, but not yet.

Penance: from the people I hate.

This month has been... [04 Feb 2009|07:23pm]
[ mood | soft ]

This month has been a whirlwind.
I cannot even describe what changes my life has undergone. I have fulfilled desires of mine I never knew I had. I have explored the highest of my depths and reveled in them. And yet I sorrow. I lived in joy, but not for myself. I could not make myself happy. I remembered back to last summer and last spring around this time and remembered how happy I was to be single and alive and free. This year I feel trapped and yet not. I am trapped by responsibility and freed only when I can escape it. That is not the way to live. I should not suffer every moment until I can be away from Bellingham. If I am going to live here, then I have to love here. I have to love my roommates or leave them behind. I cannot merely tolerate them.

I have been in Tacoma so often, that when I return to Bellingham it doesn't feel like home anymore. Just two months ago, I felt like Bellingham was all I ever wanted it to be. Now, I can't stand it. I feel trapped by work and school and friends up here. I...can't do that anymore.

Student Works starts next week, and I've been panicing about it since literally the first week of school. I have never stressed so hard as this quarter with so little justification. I slept like three hours a night the first week of classes and if I didn't call Alfred (the only friend I know who stays up that late, and thank god he does) then I worked myself into a fit and had to go for a walk and kick some snow...which I did once or twice.

I am conflicted and confused and happy and sad and it's all ok, because earlier on this week I was driving home after having a long talk with mom and realized that it's ok that I am highly stressed because it's only one more year and then i don't have to do it again if I can't handle it. I don't have to panic about living in any one place and I don't have to feel obligated to work for more than this summer with SWP just because I want to buy a house. I can buy a house for like 10K down right now and they are still great houses for where I want to be right now.

So on the drive back up from Tacoma, I decided that it wasn't fair to Bella and Stewart for me to hate them. And even if I do hate them, or am still angry at them, I don't have the luxury right now to do it. I don't have to capacity for it. I need to love Bellingham or leave it. I decided to try not to be a bitch to everyone. I needed to try harder in my classes and actually give a shit about them.

Monday night I got all emo despite my plans, and I got to reading old conversations between Venton and me, and it was so bizarre. I remember these conversations so well. They were at a pivotal time in our relationship, as he and I were fighting about Alfred, ironically enough. I remember (once I read about it) calling Alfred and telling him I would break his fingers if he ever touched me again. Heh. We talked a lot about how it wasn't ok for someone to flirt with their friends' girlfriend, and I got SO pissed off because Venton kept saying things like I was his property. I can't believe how long I dated him after that conversation.
But we also talked a lot about how I don't know how to read people, and he talked a lot about topics that are too far gone for me to understand them without really opening my brain wide open. At the time, I said I was trying to understand, but now I know I am just not an open enough person to get what he is talking about. I know I wasn't trying to understand, and I even understand why. I even agree with him that for the most part, I think I am what I am and that isn't going to change. ...But anyway. It was a hard conversation or three to read. It pretty much summed our relationship in fifteen hours of typing.

Then on Tuesday my teamwork class had a feedback day, where we all gave anonymous feedback to our group members, and I got some really honest feedback and some was really good like they could tell I had been working really hard on trying to really listen when people are talking and to not talk over them and to control my random outbursts. and then some not so good feedback, not that it was unexpected, about me being late a couple times and how it affected group progress when I wasn't there. And also about how I need to pay attention to people's reactions and feelings. It was funny, because I had just called mom that morning thinking about whether or not I was a selfish person because I don't notice when people are upset unless they come right out and say it or make it really obvious (fed by my thinking about last nights reread conversations). She pointed out that I gravitate toward really open people, and that my closest friends are the ones who don't hold back or try to closet up what they feel or think.

I still think I am a bit selfish, despite what she says, but it's ok, because I know it now.

Anyway...revelation number ...whatever...was me walking to class today. I was listening to my favorite old choir song "You Are the New Day". Here are some lyrics that caught my eye:
"You are the new day. I will love you more than me and more than yesterday if you can but prove to me you are the new day."

And then proceeds to list off some things that will prove that this guy is the new day.

The rest of the song doesn't necessarily make a whole lot of sense, but that line really hit me today. Maybe not the love part, but the idea that someone/thing means more to me than dwelling in an awful history and more to me than thinking about myself. If someone/thing meant that much to me, I couldn't be selfish because that thing/person would matter more to me than me.

So that is how I am trying to live right now. Not being happy because of someone else, but living and making myself happy for someone else.

PS: now I get to either walk home or convince the bus driver to let me on with my patheticness because I lost my wallet somewhere on campus today.

Penance: from the people I hate.

Vacation I: Mexico... [01 Jan 2009|08:21pm]
The last two weeks have been amazing. Mindblowing. I can't even think of how to describe how much they have meant to me.

Two days after finals I went to Mexico with my fellow highly achieved branch managers and Jamie. Cody, obviously, did not join us this year.Jamie gave us an early Christmas gift: a book by Geoffrey Gittomer about improving your sales, The Little Red Book of Selling. I briefly started reading it after I got back, but basically the book was ignored on my Mexico trip.

After a long flight to Puerto Vallarta, full of babies and younguns screaming their heads off which I didn't mind in the least, we land and are immediately on our own. Jamie because famous for his disappearing acts on this trip, as he liked to walk very quickly before anyone of us were even off the plane. It's ok though, because Jacob and I had both been there, so we more or less knew where we were going in the airport.

After waiting in a much nicer temperature than we waited in last year, we finally step out of the airport after wading through very aggressive taxi-men. As we are standing next to our taxi driver, another approached us, and, although no one else noticed it, I saw out taxi driver defend us and literally shove him away saying we already had a taxi service. It was interesting.

We headed to our hotel and basically hit the bar immediately. I won the drunkest of the night competition simply by having the lowest tolerance, and ended up sitting in the sports bar with Jamie and Austin talking very dumbly about why professional sports players don't really put any effort into their sport and, therefore, why football isn't a real sport and hockey is. Everyone else went out on the town to look for Cuban cigars that they eventually wanted to smoke.

The next day, Amber, Keely, and I went out on the town ourselves to see the marketplace. I spent far too much money on myself, but got some nice silver pendants out of it. Two of the for about 50 bucks, but one has two sides to it, and they are real silver, so that is a far better deal than you would get here...plus a couple shot glasses I think. Don't really remember.Sadly, I was on the lookout for a present for Haleigh still, since I drew her name for the "Not-so-secret" Santa. No luck on Monday though.

Afterward, we were super tired, so Amber and I took a nap. I think Amber stayed in bed and missed out on the AMAZING fire dancers doing some fantastic fireball juggling. There were two girls who did some crazy things with two fireballs and severe stomach muscles that let them do amazing gymnastics, and the guy who seemed to be in charge basically just walked around throwing his fireball and lighting the girls' fireballs when they needed it...Until the very end that it. He comes out and just totally blows them away and holy shit was I sorry that Amber missed it. And of course, none of us had our camera on us, since Amber was sort of our unofficial photographer, since only she and Keely brought a camera, and Keely ended up losing hers on the very first day.

The days sort of blend together, but I believe we spent a good deal of Monday (at least Amber and I) recovering from the first night. She wasn't feeling too hot due to some sickness and I was just exhausted. We ended up going to bed early. Keely was completely drunk on Monday. They got their Cigars and smoked them out on the bar like gentlemen, and I just tried not to gag. Due to a decent meal, I didn't feel drunk at all, but I enjoyed the company, so I stayed around the bar too. Jamie convinced Keely to try some scotch with her cigar that she shared with him. She apparently had two cups of scotch, but Amber and I went to bed pretty early comparatively. Thomas, like a gentleman, helped carry her up to our room, made sure she puked in a bucket and not in her hair, and made sure Amber would take care of her as she dry heaved for twenty minutes. According to Amber, it was really sweet. I wouldn't know, because I somehow slept through a crying, dry-heaving girl being hauled to bed...Go figure.

Tuesday, Amber and I spent an obscene amount of time in the Ocean making incredibly dirty jokes about the ocean pounding us and how "it's so natural, you just have to let the ocean take you out when it's ready and push your back when it's time"...I don't really know. Maybe we spent too much time our there drinking seawater for our own good, but it was funny as hell at the time. Afterward, we swam in the pool and tried to rid ourselves of the last vestiges of sand that not even a shower could rid us of. We also hit the hot tub for a bit, but it was weird because it was colder than the air outside after about five minutes.

Everyone hit the town on Tuesday though. We wanted to go out to a club on Wednesday, our last night in town, but we didn't know where we wanted to go. Us three girls were used as a lure for all the guys trying to advertise for their bars. Tuesday had a lot of free entry/free drinks for ladies, but we wanted to go out Wednesday, so we whined and simpered and got them to write us free passed with free drinks, even though we didn't even go to their bars the next night, for whatever reason. We walked all along the boardwalk to the very end, saw some awesome sand sculptures of Jesus and lizards that were as tall as any man, and when we hit the end, saw a guy painting amazing pictures with his fingers. Yeah..literally, fingerpainting. I got one for Haleigh for Christmas of an ocean scene that was blue overall, and one for me that is gold. Jacob got his Grandmother an awesome painting that I loved as well for $100, and said it was worth it. We walked back and, although we hit the bar for a while, we all bailed pretty early.

Wednesday, we got up early and went on our group thing, which we decided would be the ATV tour through the jungle with a "waterfall" and a tequila tasting halfway through the trip. It was amazing. The "waterfall", although beautiful, was tiny and cute, and I laughed to myself at how much they hyped it up, but the ATV ride itself was worth it. It was, as I describe it, "like riding a horse with a giant motor", although I find it hilarious that the guide taught all the girls how to drive, and didn't bother to teach the guys. Sexism at its best, eh? :-) We drove through the town, the freeway, a tunnel, and several small villages on the way, which I would have loved to stop in and just soak everything in, but alas, it was not to be. When we got to the top of the hill and saw the waterfall, it was a fantastic scene. I don't think I ever saw water that pure (looking). Amber's glasses apparently broke though, so we got a hilarious picture of her with her one-eyed goggle on the way back. We stopped at one of the villages where they make tequila and learned all about how they make tequila and the aging process and the different levels of quality and how you only want to drink "a hunderdprecent agave!". My favorite joke of the trip was uttered by the guy teaching us. The tequilla most Americans know, Jose Cuervo, they don't call tequilla. They call it "to-kill-you"! Haha..Silly tour guy.

But seriously. He loved his drink. You could see how much he loved talking about it and teaching people about it, and I felt bad that no one else cared what he was saying, because I myself love tequila, and I totally loved learning about its origins and history.

But things picked up when we got the the actual taste testing. He told us about how ladies used to complain that tequila was too strong for them, so they made a flavored tequila. We tried a brand called Arcangel. We tried several actually. Almond flavored, which I guess is good for banana flambe, and cafe, which has obvious uses, and butterscotch and maybe chocolate? Can't remember. Then we tried some more regular types, but much higher quality than what you get in the States, and I loved every minute of it. Then, he brought out another bottle apparently specifically for women. This, legend has it, was the reason there are so many children in Mexico. Not only does this tequila have strong aphrodisiac powers over women (not men though, strangely), it's also a fertility tequila, and man does it taste different. I can't attest at this point whether or not it actually works as advertised, but I can say that I bought some for research purposes and because it is shaped like a freaking fertility goddess! It was called Coochie coochie! How can you not have that?! Every guy we came with bought at least two bottles. If it worked, they said, forty bucks was a totally worthwhile investment...although I am not sure they thought that one out too far. I don't think most of them want their dates more fertile. But still..I bought some, so was can I really say. It is a bit of lore and I wanted it. We also tried, as the very last taste, a very fine tequila that the guide called his companion tequila. He told us to hold it in our mouths, exhale, inhale, and then swallow. Oh man, was it good. I can totally see why it was his favorite.

Afterward, we got on our ATVs, drove back to town, and I slammed into Amber trying to cross the street back to the meeting place. Jamie's ATV stalled in the middle of the street. That is the closest I've ever been to an accident, and the only thing that saved my ass from flying off the front is strong thighs hitting the handle bars and me having ridden a horse in a similar way for several summers, thus confirming my previous impression of riding ATVs.

We cleaned ourselves up, went out on the town for some "real Mexican food", which was apparently tongue tacos, which I didn't eat, and told Amber if she showed me the taste buds one more time I would throw up on her, went to our fancy dinner of Sushi, which I also didn't eat any of because I don't eat sushi, and was totally ready to take three shots of tequila with Jacob and Jared at the bar and then continue drinking other drinks which, when we asked for something made with the real bananas sitting on the counter, we were so drunk we almost jizzed in our pants tasting it, we thought it was such an amazing drink. I started this trip being very intimidated by Jacob, but you just can't be intimidated by a guy that you check out hula dancers and drink amazing banana drinks with.

By the time everyone else joined us, Jacob, Jared, and I (Neither Jacob or I haven eaten any Sushi), were totally drunk enough to go clubbing. I have NO idea how much money I spend that night. We walked about a mile to the club, long enough to stop for the most amazing tacos filled with god knows what. I handed amber probably twenty bucks, told her to get me some food, and ate what she put in front of me. Jacob, the sweetheart, offered me his food until he was sure I had some of my own to soak up all the shit I put in myself, even though he was probably worse off that I was. I have never been that drunk.

On the way, we get some sparkling water, which tasted like shit, but was way better than I remember it being in Italy, also because of my limited taste buds. Jared poured some on Amber's head, and I remember he being extremely pissed off, so she walked with me telling me how she wouldn't put up with him being a "drunken, belligerent frat boy". He came to apologize, and she totally laid it on him and told him exactly that he was a belligerent drunken frat boy and she wasn't going to accept his apology just because the actual nice people we were with told him to apologize.

Either way, we (the three girls and Thomas) ended up splitting up from the general group and going to this open club with basically no walls. as soon as we hit the floor, I bought everyone two shots of tequila like substance that the waitresses run around selling. We got a great picture of Thomas getting his nipples yanked by the girl and Amber get her tits totally manhandled and me laughing my ass off in the background because I knew what was coming but I forgot to warn them about it. Afterward, I got dragged into the dance floor immediately by some Asian-Canadian girls we knew from our hotel. I danced forever with them with total abandon until Amber and them joined me. Then we were swarmed by a circle of Mexican guys. It was hilarious. They were all trying to dance with us and steal us from each other and we were all trying to dance with Thomas for a good while. We ended up splitting up at one point to dance with them, and I let some kid kiss me for like ten seconds before the song ended and we all headed to the bar for some water. Amber and I headed back to the dance floor for a couple more songs before we were completely done, but we ran into Jamie and Austin who, apparently, had landed at a sports bar before coming to tell us they were heading back to the hotel.

At the end of the night, we found Keely and Thomas hanging out by the bathrooms upstairs sharing a chair so they could actually hear each other, it was so loud. We wandered around trying to find a place we could get some beer because even our bar was closed at that point. I paid like ten bucks for a six pack we didn't even finish, but I was still in a crazy, buy everything mood, so whatever. Ten bucks is nothing to me, really. We went back to hotel and sat on the beach taking pictures and them smoking and listened to the stories of everyone else when they wandered by. Jared and Jacob apparently went to a different bar and Jared, when buying a similar tequila shot that I had, got a couple dabs of hot wax put on his nipples. When he freaked out in a panic and hit the candle, thus causing the wax to spill on the ladies shirt, she took the whole candle and heaved the melted wax at his bare chest to show her opinion on that. Amber felt appeased after that. Jacob apparently maxed out three credit cards trying to get with a girl that he was then dragged away from by the guys when they left. He was bummed, no doubt. :-)

And the next day, after some packing and beach pictures, we headed back for Seattle and the lowest recorded temperatures in Washington State EVER. We were literally sixty degrees hotter than you all at one point, and laughing our asses off. I had to head to Tacoma for a day with my summer clothes and not even a coat for a day because of the snow. Mom brought me sweatpants and a sweatshirt and I bummed around in that for a day. It was quite lovely.

Anyway, more on my break tomorrow. I started this post feeling all emo because of how this vacation has ended, simply because it was so fantastic and now there is reality, but reliving it through typing it up is sort of helping, even if it's only because typing this up means I am not sitting around thinking about how much I miss people in general and one person specifically.

Tomorrow, when the emo comes back, I will write some more, although we have a lot of reality to deal with like cleaning and making sure the bills are paid and books bought and groceries and whatnot. Parts still to come on the typing: Louie/Grandmother, Christmas, Alfred, New Years.

...Ah Life....you can just suck an egg.
Penance: from the people I hate.

OMG... [01 Dec 2008|01:31pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

totally forgot to post that I made it to ONE MILLION NEOPOINTS! YES!! GOAL ACHIEVED!!!

**BLEEP BLOOP***

You just got more achievamables!!!

Anyway. It is the annual "get as much free stuff as I can from neopets" month. I still remember passwords to two accounts, but if anyone feels like donating theirs...well...you know where I'm at. I promise not to steal money or anything. I just temporarily use your account to take advantage of unsuspecting Neopets.

Penance: 2 woundeds hearts - from the people I hate.

Ooode to Access... [12 Nov 2008|06:50pm]
[ mood | frazzled ]

access blows.
it's got a really boring text.
why can't it be exciting
like excel?

oh excel.

PS: I am corrupting Mary. I have shown her the sextips website and she is learning...!! Bwahahahaha! In yo face Mary's dad (who wants her to skip college, get married, and stay home and raise the chillins')

anyway..I'm headed to swing club.

Penance: from the people I hate.

what the fuck is life?... [09 Nov 2008|10:44pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

why do I do this to myself? reading old livejournal entries is awful. I want to censor myself, and that is not right. I started this journal so I could say anything regardless of who read it. I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOU!

Caty/david broke up and it is killing me not to know why. I try to get over him, and I know he's bad for me, and I know he lies and I know it's bad but I can't help it. Every time I see a picture, every time I read a journal entry about something (ANYTHING) related to him and I just freak out and can't even breathe. What the hell is wrong with me?

and Bella and stewart have so much tension that it hurts and I dont know why. this guy she works with named Aaron has a huge crush on her and asked her to set him up with someone, and I thought about asking her if she would set us up but after hearing that david is single and knowing my reaction to that means I am not in control and have not had enough time yet to get over venton even, let alone david. i need to be single a while longer, no matter how lonely it is. I am no slave to hormones or insecurities. (unless there is a guy I like right there in the room, but even then i am pretty sure I could resist)

and then theres alfred, who I think of whenever I get lonely. I think he is my only male friend I can actually have a conversation with for long periods of time. and up until recently I could be a friend because he loved his girlfriend, and probably still does and that is great but he is single and GOD DAMNIT i hate myself.

I had the best dream of my life last night. It was so simple it kills me to think about it. I found the love of my life, and he and I were going to me my parents. My parents lived in an open feeling house with just the two of them. (I was older I think) They were sitting on the back porch drinking lemonaid and it was summer. We went up to them and Mom shook his hand and said that he was wonderful and she was so happy for us. then they went into the other room to get something and my love comes up behinds me and starts nuzzling my neck. i tell him to watch it because i hickey easily and he laughs (in a good way. not like a cackle. laughing with me). my parents come back and we go out to the car to get some clean clothes (I think we had been camping or something. some sort of road trip somewhere). and we all had a nice lunch and my parents were very affectionate and so were we and then we got into our car and left..

and it was so amazing. and nice. and normal. and it will never happen. my parents have never been affectionate and neither has anyone I ever dated that was even a remotely good match for me.

why do I always attract sleazy guys? or mooches? or liars? or (no offense Timmons) people who aren't even interested in my gender?

do I have a magnet on my head that says "squat here. she is easy, trusting, a slow learner and has lots of money"?

the funny things is that I learn really quickly. I just don't want to believe that anyone whould do these kidns of things to people. but people aren't nice. People aren't honest anymore. and people won't put in effort anymore. no one has goals. no has drive.

or at least, not anyone I could date. I have a lot of friends who do (or at least, all my friends who went to college).

PS: I am changing my major again to Management information systems...so its like managing computer systems instead of people. hooray!


and for mary: "Hooray for tomatos!"

Penance: 2 woundeds hearts - from the people I hate.

HOLY SHIT... [10 Sep 2008|09:26pm]
I just discovered how to knit/purl using continental which I always thought was really difficult....how the hell did I survive this long without it?! it's amazing. It's a little awkward right now, but since I was only doing it for five minutes and it was still just as fast as the regular knitting I've been doing for FOUR YEARS, I think somehow it will get better.

wow.

in other news, i have started knitting Bella a sweater. if all goes well, I will make myself a sweater this winter too. And possibly someday I will actually finish a baby blanket, although honestly, i really dont want to. i am tired of making stuff for other people. whine whine, I know, but in those four years ive been knitting, and in the eight years I have been making stuff with yarn, the only things ever made for myself was one scarf which I love and a matching hat which is still not even finished. (need to tie in the ends still :-)

buuuut I am super excited for classes because then I will have more time to knit, if not more money to do so with. oh well. compromise at it's best I guess.

also, just bought a new desk from target. I hope it's worth the money. also...cant wait to get an ipod that actually works. bought one off of ebay ad it doesnt work, but the seller is being really helpful about getting me one that does, I just have to send her this one back, which is something I am bad at doing but promise myself I will do tomorrow.
Penance: from the people I hate.

secret mission... [13 Aug 2008|08:51am]
[ mood | chipper ]

I bought two ipods last night, because the second one was only thirty bucks more expensive than the first ipod, and now I have a motivational bonus for stewart. I feel slightly bad that my painters didn't make any of their incentives, but I think I will give them little bonuses to reward them, because they were all fantastic this summer. I'm going to write recommendation letters for all of them for any future jobs they might have/need.

so..stewart gets a 30gb ipod video...tim gets....uuh...I don't know...Kyle gets money, and john gets....a kick in the teeth?

I don't know. i will think on it, and get some ideas from the guys.

I'm just killing time in the western library cause I'm printing flyers and that takes forever. There are a lot of very confused parents driving all crazy around campus trying to follow the haphazard signs to summer start. It's really funny to parents in cars throw their hands in the air and wave them around when they get confused with driving directions, which is what I saw this morning.

We have run out of work until September, so we are marketing like CRAZY and I am making no money right now...which is Ok, I guess, except that I'm not quite to mexico levels of production, and I still really want to go..plus, as it stands right now, I don't have enough money to get a new bed and desk and pay off my credit cards. Technicaly, the debt on my credit cards will be paid back to me at some point, but until then, I will be charged fees in a couple months once the intro rate of 0% apr wears off.


but that is OK, because I have lived this long without a bed frame, and as for the desk, I can probably live without it for a while until I get more money from working in the fall. I'm still not sure If I have a job working for Dr. Meyer, but I guess I should email him and find out. Working for student works in the fall will be quite enough work for me, but it doesn't give me very fast results as far as pay goes. I basically don't get paid for that until the end of the quarter, which is nice because then I have christmas money, but sad because then I don't have desk money. Oh well.


$10,000 more in sales to mexico
$20,000 more in production to mexico

I can make it. I sswear I will, because I want to be there again in new years time. (which, I actually have no clue what I am doing for the holidays, now that I think of it.) So, I revised my goals as to what I was saving money for for this summer, but to be fair, I did give mom a substantial amount of what I earned, so Maybe I don't feel so bad. I was going to give her the money for a new roof, and maybe I will still do it, or maybe we can convince the guy to take a partial payment this year and then the rest next year, who knows...probably not, but I guess this guy is kind of a friend to mom, so maybe there is a chance.



I made...so much money this year. It has been awesome. I think I made like $12000 altogether so far. I'm not sure. Maybe I will make it to 15K if I can get some more jobs booked. I've already signed on to work again in this same district, because aparently everyone wants it.

oops! gotta go, my flyers are done.

Penance: from the people I hate.

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